My Eyes Waste Away With Grief

Have you ever felt this way? I know I have. Have you ever sobbed so hard, your head hurt? I have. When a former college roommate died in May 2011, I sat and sobbed at her funeral to the point the pressure in my head was painful. I don't know why I was so overcome with grief (my eyes are tearing up as I write this); because she was a faithful Christian and I know I'll see her again in heaven. 

A month after my friend died, we found out my mom was dying of colon cancer. Once again, my eyes wasted from grief; however, right after the doctor told her she was dying, she sat straight up in bed, wiped the tears from her eyes and said, "I don't know why I'm crying, I have a mansion waiting for me." I didn't shed a lot of tears over the next 5 1/2 weeks, until the hospice nurse told me it would be 24 hours or less. I sobbed again for a few minutes, wiped my eyes and knew my mom had a mansion waiting for her. (OK, so, I'm tearing up again as I write this.)

Psalm 34 is a lament for a faithful person seeking help from God who is worn out with trouble and beset by enemies who want to do him harm. Even though David said his eyes, body and soul were wasted away with grief, let's look at what he says in Psalm 34:1-7.

Psalm 34:1–5

English Standard Version

 1 I will bless the Lord pat all times;

 3 Oh, magnify the Lord with me,

and let us exalt his name together!

 4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me

and delivered me from all my fears.

 5 Those who look to him are radiant,

and their faces shall never be ashamed.

 6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him

and saved him out of all his troubles.

 7 The angel of the Lord encamps

around those who fear him, and delivers them.

Notice how David first gives God the praise for being his rock and fortress. He says he takes refuge in God - what a great example for us. Anytime we are overcome with grief, trials, tribulations, what a great scripture for us to remember. 

God gave us tears for a reason. I've been told they are cleansing for the soul. It's so important for us to grieve the best way we know to grieve. I shed a lot of tears after my mom died (especially during worship service - the songs brought them on.) They were tears of both grief and joy. Grief that I wouldn't get to call her, stay with her, shop with her, have Thanksgiving with her - the things that were special to me. And, yet, they were tears of joy. Joy of the promise in Revelation 14:13, "Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Blessed indeed," says the spirit, "that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them". For me, that brings tears of joy for her and for all faithful Christians. My mother was a true servant of the Lord. Here's what I wrote about her in the dedication for my book. 

As you ponder these thoughts, I pray that when you are overcome with grief in your life, that you will remember this Psalm of David. Even though he felt wasted from grief, he knew God was his refuge, his rock and his fortress. What a beautiful blessing!

P.S. When I started writing this post, I honestly didn't know the direction it would go. What's interesting, is that as I wrote about my mom, it dawned on me that the 7th anniversary of her death will be August 3. 

Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my heart.